Damage Assessment

Here it is...pictures of the damage. Today is day 12 after my surgery. My staples were removed from my head, which hurt, but not terribly. Just about as much as you'd think getting staples removed from your head would hurt! I also got the bandage taken off my chest incision (where the battery is). Turns out there aren't any stitches there to remove. He put in some internal stitches and then just used surgical glue so I think it will heal up nicely.

So here you go...the debut of my bare chest on the internet!

Obviously that's where the battery is on my right. It's still bruised and a bit swollen but it really is feeling better every day. I'll take another photo in a couple weeks to show you how it's healing up. Look up on my neck as well. There is a little bump on each side. The one of the right (my right) is kind of high, the one on the left is low. That is where the wire extenders are. There will always be bumps there, because the extenders do stick up a little, but they should get less red and obvious over time. There were little incisions there (no stitches, just glue) but you'll barely be able to see them I'm sure.

Here's another one...a profile shot to show you how the battery sticks out.


I think this picture makes it look worse than it is...but maybe not. It's still a bit swollen and whatnot, but not too much. So yes, you can see it if you look from the side, but you can't see the outline of it or anything from the front. Also, you can't see the bump through clothing or anything like that. I think it'll feel more obvious than it actually is. I'm making sure to keep scar ointment on the scars to help them heal and be less obvious. I know they'll never disappear but I'm sure it won't hurt to minimize them.

So...I don't have much of a swimsuit body anymore, although to be honest, I'm not sure I had one before! And I'll have to chose fancy dresses a bit more carefully in the future to try to de-accentuate (is that a word? I doubt it) the scars and bumps. But it's all worth it. I feel so much better. I don't feel like just laying in bed anymore, I feel like going out and doing things again. I feel like going back to work, having a regular schedule, being a productive member of society again. I feel like riding my horses and going camping. Heck, I even feel like having a drink! I'm not scared of that sending me to bed for the next 3 days. So scars and all, life is good.

I also got the okay from the doctor to go home today! WOOHOO! So I'm headed back to Wyoming at the end of the week, and will be back at work on Monday. It's been 14 weeks now that I've been away (15 by the time I actually really get home) and I am SO glad to be done with all this and get on with my life. The last few months have been a struggle but what is it "they" always say (actually I think it was Thomas Jefferson but whatever)? "Anything worth having is worth fighting for." I've fought for my health and now I have it. Or maybe "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" fits a little better. Eh, you know what I mean!

One Week Post-Surgery

It's been a week since surgery. Well, actually a tad more but close enough. I went to the doctor today and thought he was going to take my staples and stitches out but he decided to leave them in a few more days and I have to go back on Tuesday to get them removed. Which is fine with me. I'd rather make sure everything is closed up tight before all that stuff comes out. He said everything looks to be healing well though. He also gave me the g0-ahead to have a shower and wash my hair! WOOHOO! I'd had a couple baths this week, so I wouldn't completely stink, but my hair hadn't been washed since the morning of my surgery. It was dirty and had all the blood from the surgery still crusted in it. My scalp was really starting to itch terribly too...I wouldn't have been surprised to find some bugs hiding in that mess. Not really, but it sure felt that way.

A Medtronic rep was also at my appointment to help program my stimulator. I felt like one of the wires wasn't in the right spot, but she reprogrammed it so that the stimulation came a bit further down on the wire and it seemed to work like a charm. I didn't know they could do that, but apparently they can, which is good to know. She also gave me a few other things to tweak on my own remote, like pulse width, which can give me better coverage as well. They didn't have all that kind of stuff available on the trial stimulator so it was a learning experience for me. They are also going to set me up with a Medtronic rep in either Wyoming or Montana to help me out when I am back home, if I need it. Glad I won't have to travel to Chicago any time I need anything adjusted. If it's surgical I will, but not for adjustments to the stimulator programming.

I'm still tired, my head is still sensitive to sleep on, and I'm still taking my pain meds. But every day seems to get a little easier. Hopefully in another week I'll be able to go home! *Cross your fingers!*

If this doesn't make you feel like Frankenstein...

There's nothing like some good ol' metal staples in your head to make you feel like Frankenstein. I finally took a photo to share. Both sides of my head look virtually the same so I figured I just needed one picture. There are 7 staples on each side of my head. I'm guessing they used staples because it is in an area that doesn't have to be stitched nicely since it will be covered by hair because they used stitches on the incisions in my neck. I've never had staples before...I can only imagine how fun it will be to have them removed on Friday.

I was worried about them shaving off a bunch of my hair. Dumb, I know, but I'm attached to my hair, and with all the other scars I'm going to have, I didn't want to have half my head shaved too. Luckily my surgeon was pretty conservative when it came to shaving my head, as you can see. When I put my hair down (which I haven't done yet since surgery since they won't let me have a shower yet, grr), you probably won't even be able to see the shaved patch, unless you are looking for it. That's what I'm hoping anyway! Cute hair-dos like ponytails and braids and all that fun stuff will be out of the question for probably 6 months but c'est la vie.

Honestly, the whole thing looks worse than it is. When I look at pictures of people with hair shaved off and staples in their head, it freaks me out. This was one of the things that gave me massive anxiety before surgery. But it's really not bad. They don't hurt and I really can't even see them unless I look. So although it looks scary and gross and might make some people run away from the idea of an occipital nerve stimulator, I can tell you that it's not nearly as bad in reality as your imagination makes it out to be. I promise!

I haven't taken photos of the other incisions yet because they still have the steri-strips on them, which I am not allowed to take off until Friday, so taking a picture of them now would be pointless...you can't see anything. I'll take photos once I get all that junk off them. And if you're really lucky, I'll even let you see the awesome hematoma on my chest incision too.

Implantation Complete!

My cyborganization is complete...I had my permanent nerve stimulator implanted on June 4, 2009. Surgery was schedule for 3pm, which was a terrible time because then I had all day to worry and be anxious...plus I couldn't eat or drink at all after midnight so it made for a long day. All went well though, as far as I can tell. I had wires put in on both sides of my head this time (there were only on the left for the trial). I had to have some hair shaved off near my ears on both sides but my surgeon was as conservative as he could be about that. Both of those wounds have 7 staples holding them closed. I'll get some photos up here soon. There is also a small wound on each side of my neck, kind of in the front so more on my throat than neck. I think that is where the wire extenders were put in. Then of course there is the huge incision where my battery is. I'm just supposed to leave it all alone until I go in on Friday to get the stitches and staples out, but some of the adhesives were irritating my skin so I changed the bandages. Shh, don't tell! My sister is a nurse, and she did it for me and said it would be okay so I'm not worried about it.

The procedure was supposed to be outpatient, but I was in too much pain that night to go home. The worst pain was on the left side of my head...the side I'd had wires in and out of just a few weeks ago for the trial. The doctor only prescribed Vicodin for me, and it just wasn't strong enough. So while I was in the hospital he gave me something strong via IV...one of the good ones where you get to press the button whenever you need it. And he prescribed stronger drugs for when I went home too. Once I left the hospital, the pain has been manageable...that first 24 hours was just a bit rough.

A Medtronics rep was also present during my surgery (apparently I talked to him during the surgery, although I don't recall that at all. I thought I was fully knocked out, but he said I was under conscious sedation for the first part of the surgery, just like I was for the trial, so they could talk to me when they turned the stimulator on to make sure I felt it. I have zero recollection of any of this. I don't even recall seeing him in that surgical room! I hope he didn't ask me to reveal my deepest darkest secrets because he could have some really good blackmail info right now and I'd be none the wiser!), and visited me in the recovery room to make sure I was doing okay and to see if I had any questions. He sent me home with a bag full of info and gear related to my neurostimulator.

I will take some photos of the incisions later this week when I get a chance so you can have an idea of where everything is and what the surgical process entails. Typing is still a bit hard though, the angle bothers my shoulder, so that's all for now.